October 12, 2018

I lost myself this summer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I lost myself this summer.

It wasn’t intentional; I honestly didn’t realize it at the time. But in the midst of all the chaos and trauma and horribleness, I slowly let my needs and wants fall into the background. And that’s where they’ve remained – untouched and collecting dust.

The kids needs became EVERYTHING; their trauma and struggle was all that seemed to exist in our lives. And to be fair, it was a really intense time. But I let myself get stuck there – stuck in surviving instead of thriving. And while I think our hyper-focus around the kids immense, acute needs served a necessary purpose this summer – that time has passed. Our family has endured; We’re finally, slowly moving forward. It’s time for me to get to be a mom with needs and wants and friends and thoughts of her own.

But that’s a lot easier to type than it is to implement. While our family is moving forward, the everyday of our lives is still a l o t – we still have a ways to go on this journey of healing.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t know where I’ll find the time and energy, I don’t know exactly what making room for my own needs is going to look like. But, I know I’m not the only mom who’s been swallowed up by the needs of her children.  And it feels strangely good to have something so in common with other moms. (Like really good!)

This is my first step: Throwing these thoughts out into the universe and trying to hold myself accountable to self-care.  I’ll keep you posted.

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